SATIRE: Zack Snyder Shifts Focus Towards Weightlifting Career

After a hugely unsuccessful career in film, Zack Snyder has called it quits. Both Man of Steel and Batman vs Superman were utter failures, so Snyder has decided to begin a new chapter of his life. One might ponder what Snyder wants to do with his life now, or one might not because he does not understand how to make a decent film. Either way, Snyder told me that weightlifting is his future. Snyder will no longer sit behind a camera, unless the camera is near a squat rack.

Here’s Snyder pumping iron, apparently he “feels like superman” when lifting weights… (picture by

Snyder is excited with this change of scenery, however there are some surprising similarities among the two careers. He told me that “being alone in a weight room at night is very similar to being in the directors chair—I enjoy applying the somber feel of a cold weight room into all of my films”. Snyder’s statement gave me some insight as to why his films have turned out to be…. so gloomy and depressing. Snyder gave his films a lonely weight room vibe, and that’s what plagued Batman v Superman. Oh sure, almost every character in BVS is jacked to the max, but Snyder simply forgot to focus on the actual film. I wanted to see if he thought he could have done a better job with Batman vs Superman, so I talked to him a little more.

I asked Snyder if he had any regrets, he responded, “Any regrets? No. Well maybe my only regret is that I didn’t start weight lifting sooner. Film-making was really difficult, I had to use my brain frequently. When I lift, all I use are my muscles, so it’s much simpler. Once I figured out that you actually had to bring the weights up, I was halfway there!” All of a sudden, I finally figured out why his films are all style and no substance.


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